27 August 2009
26 August 2009
24 August 2009
i tore my heart open, i saw myself shine
My heart is steel; my heart is nothing but cold, hard steel (repeatedly chanted).
And what's brought upon this latest turn of events? I'm sick and tired, frankly, more so with me than anything else. I'm tired of being infatuated with people, sick of being enamoured of interests, fed up of attractions leading to deeper feelings.
Inevitably I end somewhere in between crashing and burning, and getting my fingers caught in the cookie jar. Regardless, both spell out one word: unrequited. Which is classified under 'Epic Fail', to borrow someone's oft-used phrase.
So I've had enough. I really have. How long more can one go on like this eh?
Admittedly, I tried steeling myself sometime back, endeavoured to harden my head and my heart against all feelings of affections of the loving kind. I confess, sigh, that I failed. Then. I don't know; maybe it was faith, or hope or even a lingering suspicion that I'd get another stab at the Last Chance Saloon. I don't think it'll come to be. I think I've been wasting precious time hoping for the impossible.
As it were, I had been chasing the dream. Never one to settle for anything not up to my fine tastes, that's me. Much to my detriment, in hindsight. But even with knowing the stars are beyond my reach, I still can't compromise. So, rather than lull myself into just taking anything that would come my way, I'm putting an end to this ridiculous delusional fantasy called love. Why does that sound so fucking melodramatic? Okay, let me rephrase that: this ridiculous delusional fantasy called emotions of the romantic nature. There, I'm more comfortable with that.
And I think my resolve is made stronger by, ahem, 'A Guide to Steel-Plating An Emotional Heart'. I really do see where I've been fucking up. After a while, love, lust, affections, attractions and god knows what else all merge to create one hell of a fucked up potpourri.
But yeah, I'll get by. Emotional freedom, that's what I want. Free from the tuggings of my heartstrings. Free from the contemplations in my brain. Free from all the despair, and disappointment and depression.
Just free.
And what's brought upon this latest turn of events? I'm sick and tired, frankly, more so with me than anything else. I'm tired of being infatuated with people, sick of being enamoured of interests, fed up of attractions leading to deeper feelings.
Inevitably I end somewhere in between crashing and burning, and getting my fingers caught in the cookie jar. Regardless, both spell out one word: unrequited. Which is classified under 'Epic Fail', to borrow someone's oft-used phrase.
So I've had enough. I really have. How long more can one go on like this eh?
Admittedly, I tried steeling myself sometime back, endeavoured to harden my head and my heart against all feelings of affections of the loving kind. I confess, sigh, that I failed. Then. I don't know; maybe it was faith, or hope or even a lingering suspicion that I'd get another stab at the Last Chance Saloon. I don't think it'll come to be. I think I've been wasting precious time hoping for the impossible.
As it were, I had been chasing the dream. Never one to settle for anything not up to my fine tastes, that's me. Much to my detriment, in hindsight. But even with knowing the stars are beyond my reach, I still can't compromise. So, rather than lull myself into just taking anything that would come my way, I'm putting an end to this ridiculous delusional fantasy called love. Why does that sound so fucking melodramatic? Okay, let me rephrase that: this ridiculous delusional fantasy called emotions of the romantic nature. There, I'm more comfortable with that.
And I think my resolve is made stronger by, ahem, 'A Guide to Steel-Plating An Emotional Heart'. I really do see where I've been fucking up. After a while, love, lust, affections, attractions and god knows what else all merge to create one hell of a fucked up potpourri.
But yeah, I'll get by. Emotional freedom, that's what I want. Free from the tuggings of my heartstrings. Free from the contemplations in my brain. Free from all the despair, and disappointment and depression.
Just free.
19 August 2009
i is back, i thinks
I guess somewhere along the way, I've lost the mood to write. Either that, or I've been too busy. Honestly speaking, I'm leaning towards the former.
I don't know why, though. Guess I've just had less and less to rant about. Or maybe I've grown tired of mouthing (texting?) off. Not that I'm remotely concerned, mind you.
Okay, so what's new? Nothing of great interest, I can tell you. Oh yeah, football's back, so that's always good. Of course, the Toffees had to screw things up by getting thrashed. Looks like it's going to be a dreadful season, if they continue this way. Bloody embarrassing, to say the least.
Money is tight, again. Fuckssakes! And just when I thought things would turn a corner. Keep the faith, I tell myself. But it is fucking tiring, I kid you not. Two steps forward, five steps back. Like a mambo gone awry. Just hate scrapping through (by); at the end of the day, an empty wallet and emptier bank account. Eesh.
Okie, at least there's Bali and Saigon to look forward too, and a sponsored trip to Langkawi thrown in for good measure. Just hope to have enough resources to enjoy the getaways, and not have to scrounge around again. Hate having to save the pennies when travelling; just kills off the fun.
Sometimes, I think money does make the world go round. And round. And round.
I don't know why, though. Guess I've just had less and less to rant about. Or maybe I've grown tired of mouthing (texting?) off. Not that I'm remotely concerned, mind you.
Okay, so what's new? Nothing of great interest, I can tell you. Oh yeah, football's back, so that's always good. Of course, the Toffees had to screw things up by getting thrashed. Looks like it's going to be a dreadful season, if they continue this way. Bloody embarrassing, to say the least.
Money is tight, again. Fuckssakes! And just when I thought things would turn a corner. Keep the faith, I tell myself. But it is fucking tiring, I kid you not. Two steps forward, five steps back. Like a mambo gone awry. Just hate scrapping through (by); at the end of the day, an empty wallet and emptier bank account. Eesh.
Okie, at least there's Bali and Saigon to look forward too, and a sponsored trip to Langkawi thrown in for good measure. Just hope to have enough resources to enjoy the getaways, and not have to scrounge around again. Hate having to save the pennies when travelling; just kills off the fun.
Sometimes, I think money does make the world go round. And round. And round.
03 August 2009
stop politicising, I tell you.
Why does the government keep barking out demands to "stop politicising [insert issue here]"?
I mean, they arrest hundreds of peaceful demonstrators, then state that the issue shouldn't be politicised. They detain politicians who oppose their despotic ways, and tell the public to stop politicising the matter.
For Chrissakes, anything remotely related to the government is fucking politics. ISA is bloody politics. The increase in oil and food prices is, you guessed it, goddamn politics.
I'm not sure about you, but when someone flies out of the window while being interrogated by corrupt anti-corruption goons, you can bet your last dollar politics is involved.
What, do they think we're fucking stoopid or something?
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