My heart is steel; my heart is nothing but cold, hard steel (repeatedly chanted).
And what's brought upon this latest turn of events? I'm sick and tired, frankly, more so with me than anything else. I'm tired of being infatuated with people, sick of being enamoured of interests, fed up of attractions leading to deeper feelings.
Inevitably I end somewhere in between crashing and burning, and getting my fingers caught in the cookie jar. Regardless, both spell out one word: unrequited. Which is classified under 'Epic Fail', to borrow someone's oft-used phrase.
So I've had enough. I really have. How long more can one go on like this eh?
Admittedly, I tried steeling myself sometime back, endeavoured to harden my head and my heart against all feelings of affections of the loving kind. I confess, sigh, that I failed. Then. I don't know; maybe it was faith, or hope or even a lingering suspicion that I'd get another stab at the Last Chance Saloon. I don't think it'll come to be. I think I've been wasting precious time hoping for the impossible.
As it were, I had been chasing the dream. Never one to settle for anything not up to my fine tastes, that's me. Much to my detriment, in hindsight. But even with knowing the stars are beyond my reach, I still can't compromise. So, rather than lull myself into just taking anything that would come my way, I'm putting an end to this ridiculous delusional fantasy called love. Why does that sound so fucking melodramatic? Okay, let me rephrase that: this ridiculous delusional fantasy called emotions of the romantic nature. There, I'm more comfortable with that.
And I think my resolve is made stronger by, ahem, 'A Guide to Steel-Plating An Emotional Heart'. I really do see where I've been fucking up. After a while, love, lust, affections, attractions and god knows what else all merge to create one hell of a fucked up potpourri.
But yeah, I'll get by. Emotional freedom, that's what I want. Free from the tuggings of my heartstrings. Free from the contemplations in my brain. Free from all the despair, and disappointment and depression.
Just free.
And what's brought upon this latest turn of events? I'm sick and tired, frankly, more so with me than anything else. I'm tired of being infatuated with people, sick of being enamoured of interests, fed up of attractions leading to deeper feelings.
Inevitably I end somewhere in between crashing and burning, and getting my fingers caught in the cookie jar. Regardless, both spell out one word: unrequited. Which is classified under 'Epic Fail', to borrow someone's oft-used phrase.
So I've had enough. I really have. How long more can one go on like this eh?
Admittedly, I tried steeling myself sometime back, endeavoured to harden my head and my heart against all feelings of affections of the loving kind. I confess, sigh, that I failed. Then. I don't know; maybe it was faith, or hope or even a lingering suspicion that I'd get another stab at the Last Chance Saloon. I don't think it'll come to be. I think I've been wasting precious time hoping for the impossible.
As it were, I had been chasing the dream. Never one to settle for anything not up to my fine tastes, that's me. Much to my detriment, in hindsight. But even with knowing the stars are beyond my reach, I still can't compromise. So, rather than lull myself into just taking anything that would come my way, I'm putting an end to this ridiculous delusional fantasy called love. Why does that sound so fucking melodramatic? Okay, let me rephrase that: this ridiculous delusional fantasy called emotions of the romantic nature. There, I'm more comfortable with that.
And I think my resolve is made stronger by, ahem, 'A Guide to Steel-Plating An Emotional Heart'. I really do see where I've been fucking up. After a while, love, lust, affections, attractions and god knows what else all merge to create one hell of a fucked up potpourri.
But yeah, I'll get by. Emotional freedom, that's what I want. Free from the tuggings of my heartstrings. Free from the contemplations in my brain. Free from all the despair, and disappointment and depression.
Just free.
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