I'm still trying to figure if I liked Max Payne or not. The movie, that is.
Before I proceed, no, I'm not a failed film student.
And no, I'm not a film director wannabe.
So I don't have this malicious tendency prevalent among movie reviewers to show how silver screen-savvy I am, a tendency to savage anything that's isn't Tarantino or Kubrick or Allen-like. A staid bunch of verbal wankers, none more so than the pompous poof who writes for Star.
Okay, back to Max Payne. I've never played the computer game, so I couldn't care less if it stays religiously close to its origins. I mean, how many times have criticisms about the movie not staying true to the book/ game/ comic been flung around viciously as self-proclaimed aficionados sate the egotist in each and every one of them?
Yet again I digress. Well, there are two things that save this movie, one of them being the female protagonists. If this movie is anything to go by, Quantum of Solace is going to have to be renamed Quantum of Solust. Olga Whatshername is pretty damn awesome, while la chica from That 70's Show is more than delectable, albeit in some pseudo Gothic-Russian mafia-vampire-esque way. Think Kate Beckinsale in Underworld meets Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing.
The other saving grace, I won't reveal. I don't want to spoil anyone's fun, so watch the movie and you'll definitely know what I'm talking about.
So that's that.
Personally, I categorise cinematic movies into three categories. I've yet to properly name these three categories, but when I do, it'll be on this blog. So yet another good excuse to visit me eh? Okay, like I was saying, three categories. Firstly, movies I feel were a bloody waste of my money. There are several of them, most noteworthy include Deep Blue Sea, Spice Girls The Movie, Portret Mistik and Mimpi Moon. Atrocious fares, with wooden acting and woodier scenes. After watching any movie in this category, you'd want to strangle the scoundrel who dared to suggest watching that particular movie.
Then there are movies I don't mind watching repeatedly, in the cinema. Two off the top of my head are Transformers and 300. For various reasons, watching these movies more than once is/was a pleasure. I can honestly say there have been many movies that have compelled me to watched them at least twice, and sometimes it can be due to something as simple as witty dialogue.
And finally, movies that I simply have to watch on DVD. One word: censorship. 30 Days of Night was one of them, as was Perfume. My loathing of any form of censorship is well known and well documented. There's nothing more irritating than watching a half-butchered movie. TG for the friendly neighbourhood pirate, I say. A film in its entirety, that's what you get every time you fork out the RM 9 or 10 for a pirated version. Seamless viewing, minus the botched attempts at bleeping out a 'fuck' or a boob.
So if one were to link the first half of this post with the latter half, I'd have to say I would prefer to get the pirated DVD of Max Payne.
Sorry, Max.
Before I proceed, no, I'm not a failed film student.
And no, I'm not a film director wannabe.
So I don't have this malicious tendency prevalent among movie reviewers to show how silver screen-savvy I am, a tendency to savage anything that's isn't Tarantino or Kubrick or Allen-like. A staid bunch of verbal wankers, none more so than the pompous poof who writes for Star.
Okay, back to Max Payne. I've never played the computer game, so I couldn't care less if it stays religiously close to its origins. I mean, how many times have criticisms about the movie not staying true to the book/ game/ comic been flung around viciously as self-proclaimed aficionados sate the egotist in each and every one of them?
Yet again I digress. Well, there are two things that save this movie, one of them being the female protagonists. If this movie is anything to go by, Quantum of Solace is going to have to be renamed Quantum of Solust. Olga Whatshername is pretty damn awesome, while la chica from That 70's Show is more than delectable, albeit in some pseudo Gothic-Russian mafia-vampire-esque way. Think Kate Beckinsale in Underworld meets Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing.
The other saving grace, I won't reveal. I don't want to spoil anyone's fun, so watch the movie and you'll definitely know what I'm talking about.
So that's that.
Personally, I categorise cinematic movies into three categories. I've yet to properly name these three categories, but when I do, it'll be on this blog. So yet another good excuse to visit me eh? Okay, like I was saying, three categories. Firstly, movies I feel were a bloody waste of my money. There are several of them, most noteworthy include Deep Blue Sea, Spice Girls The Movie, Portret Mistik and Mimpi Moon. Atrocious fares, with wooden acting and woodier scenes. After watching any movie in this category, you'd want to strangle the scoundrel who dared to suggest watching that particular movie.
Then there are movies I don't mind watching repeatedly, in the cinema. Two off the top of my head are Transformers and 300. For various reasons, watching these movies more than once is/was a pleasure. I can honestly say there have been many movies that have compelled me to watched them at least twice, and sometimes it can be due to something as simple as witty dialogue.
And finally, movies that I simply have to watch on DVD. One word: censorship. 30 Days of Night was one of them, as was Perfume. My loathing of any form of censorship is well known and well documented. There's nothing more irritating than watching a half-butchered movie. TG for the friendly neighbourhood pirate, I say. A film in its entirety, that's what you get every time you fork out the RM 9 or 10 for a pirated version. Seamless viewing, minus the botched attempts at bleeping out a 'fuck' or a boob.
So if one were to link the first half of this post with the latter half, I'd have to say I would prefer to get the pirated DVD of Max Payne.
Sorry, Max.
3 comments:
Ouch.
*Extremely affronted and terasa*
I'M a failed student/failed film director wannabe. I feel so attacked by this post, niamachaufoolat!
"malicious tendency prevalent among movie reviewers to show how silver screen-savvy I am, a tendency to savage anything that's isn't Tarantino or Kubrick or Allen-like. A staid bunch of verbal wankers"
You know I happen to worship... wor-fuckin-ship Tarantino! How could you take his name in vain?
Kubrick! Allen! Demi-gods!
Grr!
You suck cos you watch random movies without ever playing the games or reading the books. Where is the comprehension, man?
Grr! :p
i assume this outrage comes about due to lack of sleep...
On saying that, 'a staid bunch...' was in reference to movie critics in the newspapers, and not for Messrs Tarantino, Kubrick and Allen.
lmao I'm just downloading the spice girls movie,I can't wait to watch it again!!!!
Girl Power!
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