Sometimes, people just leave me sighing in resignation. Many people contrive to plunge into ventures that are knowingly self-detrimental, yet they do so with an almost fatalistic outlook that says "I know I'm gonna screw myself up, but it's my business." More often than not, they end up taking everyone around them down as well. Sometimes, it's so much easier (and healthier) to just not care. Let them be damned, so to speak.
Yet, I know my limitations, my emotional walls. I know I can never be one to disregard another's unfortunate plight. Or perceived misfortune. It's tiring, and draining, and leaves me emotionally fatigued. It gets even harder when you're met with recalcitrance, and one too many justifications. Help. Everyone needs it, nobody thinks they need it. You care and care and care, then one day you realise that you're so tired and drained and that you've forsaken your own emotions for another.
I can feel my anger pushing against the lid, crashing against the wall. Frustration and disappointment reign supreme, and they long for their cousin's release. Not easy to contain, I'm learning. People around me are collateral damage. I'ts not so much "why is this happening to me?" I have never believed in moaning about how Life had dealt me a Joker instead of an Ace. Just get with the programme, grit your teeth, and bite the bullet (might be physically impossible if you're biting the bullet and gritting your teeth.
So yes, I can feel my blood stirring restlessly, my psyche itching to lash out, and exhausted mind gearing up to throw rationale aside and indulge in blatant, unbridled anger. Just a matter of what will trigger it, what will be the breaking point.
Or will it subside? As I try to scale this hole which I did not dig, the anger and frustration and disappointment might just dissipate as I converge my energy to resolve my latest predicament. What would it achieve anyways, I ask myself. Absolutely nothing, at the most. Yes, anger does drive me forward, but it will not sustain me. Better to look at the situation and just go about it in the most feasible manner.
Such is life.
Yet, I know my limitations, my emotional walls. I know I can never be one to disregard another's unfortunate plight. Or perceived misfortune. It's tiring, and draining, and leaves me emotionally fatigued. It gets even harder when you're met with recalcitrance, and one too many justifications. Help. Everyone needs it, nobody thinks they need it. You care and care and care, then one day you realise that you're so tired and drained and that you've forsaken your own emotions for another.
I can feel my anger pushing against the lid, crashing against the wall. Frustration and disappointment reign supreme, and they long for their cousin's release. Not easy to contain, I'm learning. People around me are collateral damage. I'ts not so much "why is this happening to me?" I have never believed in moaning about how Life had dealt me a Joker instead of an Ace. Just get with the programme, grit your teeth, and bite the bullet (might be physically impossible if you're biting the bullet and gritting your teeth.
So yes, I can feel my blood stirring restlessly, my psyche itching to lash out, and exhausted mind gearing up to throw rationale aside and indulge in blatant, unbridled anger. Just a matter of what will trigger it, what will be the breaking point.
Or will it subside? As I try to scale this hole which I did not dig, the anger and frustration and disappointment might just dissipate as I converge my energy to resolve my latest predicament. What would it achieve anyways, I ask myself. Absolutely nothing, at the most. Yes, anger does drive me forward, but it will not sustain me. Better to look at the situation and just go about it in the most feasible manner.
Such is life.
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