Sometimes I wonder, why is having feelings for a friend such taboo?
I mean, thinking about it, shouldn't one get to know a person first before establishing a relationship that is more than platonic? I doubt anyone in the right frame of mind would say "oh, I've developed feelings for an acquaintance." Yet there always seems to be this burden of guilt that accompanies any confession of feelings towards a friend, more so if these feelings are first expressed to a third party. No doubt, falling for one's friend is always tricky, cause it stirs up the whole issue of "I want so-and-so as a boy/girl friend but I don't want to lose our friendship." Which makes one deduce that entering a relationship means the inevitable demise of a sound friendship.
Given, it's not easy, and revealing your feelings can be akin to tip-toeing around egg shells. The most horrifying reaction would be one of shock, where the object of your affections cries bloody treason and crucifies you for 'betraying' the friendship. That would mean, suppressing one's emotions is fine and dandy, but expressing them is a sin. Ask yourself, do you really want to spend a considerable amount of time with such an immature and ignorant person? I reckon, anyone who chastises a person for 'letting it all out' isn't worth the effort, trust me. Ahh, but then again, you wouldn't know if you don't ask, you retort. Fair enough; but if you do get such a response, then you know. Move on, move up.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a proposal should always be met with acceptance. However, rejection should always be administered considerately, and as honestly as possible. After all, one should feel happy that there's someone else out there who fancies him/her. Happy, not egotistical. And it shouldn't be made into some sort of laughing matter when relaying the episode to your locker mates, drinking buddies or gossip mongers. If you can't respect another's endeavour, then it speaks volume of your character.
Here, I must state that 'you' doesn't refer to anyone or any scenario in particular; it just makes using an object of focus in this post easier. Yes, I'm trying to pre-empt any possible remonstrations and outcry that may arise. Or will arise.
Besides, I reckon it's more fun to write about stuff like this than Malaysian politics (shudder).
1 comment:
I don't think that having feelings for a friend is particularly a taboo.
No one is saying that it's wrong and that it shouldn't happen. After all, who can ever predict how the fickle winds of emotions will blow?
There's having feelings for a friend, and leaving it at that. And then there's having feelings and you want more. That's when the problems arise. Because you can never be too sure if it's purely one-sided (your-sided).
Why the friendship card even comes into play (and over-ponderous consideration) is because there are few who are big enough to "go back to how things were", once it's out in the open and the feelings aren't reciprocated.
For the 'liker', chances are he/she would be too embarrassed by the whole thing and would seek to distance themselves from the object of their affections; either to let their feelings recede or simply out of shame.
For the 'likee', whether out of guilt (for not being able to reciprocate, or for being put in such a position), or shame, he/she would also try to distance themselves from the whole thing.
I doubt it's about sin or betrayal, as you say. Or that the person is immature or ignorant. It's just that, there's now a wedge between friends, some overcome it, but most can't. So, there goes that friendship that was going great, to begin with.
We're all just shielding our hearts and our pride. When you've been hurt quite a few times already, it gets a little more difficult to "move on, move up" each time...
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