i wonder how, i wonder why

I'm chilling.

I really am. Just easing back and letting the current gently carry me along. I guess I shouldn't be swimming against the flow all the time. Neither should I hope to dig in and stand my ground against the incessant stream. So, I'm chilling now. Que sera sera.

Then there's the question, for how long? Should I be forever chilling? Is there a statute of limitation of chilling? Or have I stopped chilling my asking myself these questions? I really shouldn't be so serious about everything; I should stop being so anal about things when they don't go my way.

Why can't some people cover their fucking mouths when they sneeze, I wonder. Is it so hard to have a bit of consideration for others who may not be enthusiastic about breathing in droplets of your contaminated breath?

A most unwelcome distraction. Back to the matter at hand. I shall take the advice given and chill. Probably till the end of the year. Then we'll see how.

On a related note, I've finally found the word that describes me currently: jaded. A lot of things have lost their colour, I see mainly grey these days. Sort of "yeah, whatever". I haven't really found anything new that interests me, and I reckon it's showing. I don't think I've reached a stage where I can say "been there, done that" to almost anything in front of me. It's more like "nah, not interested". Which is making me come across as some boring old sod.

But yeah, where is the excitement, where is the adventure. Where are the unforgettable weekends, I ponder aloud. Okay, perhaps the last line came out rather pretentiously dramatic. Let's just say the weekends are getting more and more predictable. I know, I should diversify, expand my interests yah-dee-dah, but words occasionally flow easier than actions. Only occasionally, mind you.

I guess the lack of a welcome distraction is also a contributing element to this jadedness; something to occupy the mind, and heart. I thought I had it for a brief moment, before I came to my senses and realised there'd be almost zero ROI if I were to pursue things further.

Back to the drawing board; there's the starting line again; three steps back to 'Go'. Admittedly, I do have a tendency to bark up the wrong tree, and I'll hazard that there'll be at least a couple more wrong trees in the near future. How barking has changed over the years (smile).

But you know what, I'm chilling.